just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
