sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
