I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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