Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
