hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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