i just wanna soil my oats bro
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
