At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
