New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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