do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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