I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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