You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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