You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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