My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
