I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
