got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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