It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
