Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
