Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
