I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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