Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
