it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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