dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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