Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
