a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
