Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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