I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
