We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
