Nicole vs. Life
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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