ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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