i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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