You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
