So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
