Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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