I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
