dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
