Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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