My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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