a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's the barista slut.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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