tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
