I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
