I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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