I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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