$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
