I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
