You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
