I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
