mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
