so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
