Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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