you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
