He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
