In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
please come you make the beer taste better
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
