rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
