I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
