I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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