this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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